Divorce

So this has been on my mind all day, or really just since the sermon at church was about parenting. At camp I was dismayed at the amount of kids that come from broken homes. Never knowing their fathers, drug addicted mothers, abusive or just simply divorced parents. Now, my parents are still married, and they don't necessarily get along that well, and we're the best parents, but they are still married and never beat me or anything. Yes, I remember beeing hit a few times, but I wouldn't say that my parents hit me. Anyway here is my point, and I warn you, that this may become somewhat of a rant, but more my thoughts on a subject and in a way a pleading warning.

The divorce rate in this country is very high. I won't deny that, but why it is this way? Because divorce is more acceptable? Partly. Becuase marriage can't work? No. Here are my thoughts. I think the number one reason people get divorced is because they marry someone who is not right for them in the first place. It all comes down to compatibility. In the past three years I have adopted the philosophy that I will not and cannot date someone that I couldn't ultimatley marry. This means figuring out the things that are most important to us. A book and can't remember the full title suggested that you write a list of 10 things your husband/wife must have and 10 things that would be deal breakers. So I did this. Some examples are that they must have a relationship with Christ, like cats, like to learn.... and some can't haves are like no drugs, stubborness/cynicism. I can't tell them all cause then some boy will pretend to be all of them. :P Anyway, I know that if I did date someone outside this criteria that it could only end in heart break. If you don't want to marry someone who you will be imcompatible with learn to let go of people instread of letting go of your needs. Basically if you don't want t end up in an unhappy marriage then figure out what is important to you and don't settle for someone that doesn't meet the things that really matter. One way we can do this is to take time in our dating relationships. I truly believe that you never see a person's true colors until you have known them for a few years and in a variety of situations. Personally I like to be friends with anyone before I even consider dating them. Preferbly at least a few months, and then ease into an open casual dating relationship for at least 3 months, and then ease into "going steady". From that point I think you should date atleast a year and a half, but more preferbly 2, and then if all still going well after careful consideration get engaged and be engaged for a year before marrying. I want to make sure someone is right for me before I enter into marriage. There was one time in paticular where I thought a month was long enough to know someone before diving head first into a relationship. Turns out three months in I was horrified to learn what kind of a person he truly was, but by this time I as trapped and it took me 3-4 months more to finally get out.

A second reason I feel the divorce rate is so high is that people don't beleive marriage is a lifetime commitement anymore so they take it more lightly than we should. In an age where pre-nups are so popular it just says that we are expecting the relationship to fail. If you expect to be in marriage for life why would we need a pre-nup? We beleive we can jsut get a divorce if things don't work out. I think most people expect that divorce is inevitable. Marriage is no longer the sacred life long commitment it once was. I personally do not believe in divorce except in the event of infidelity or abuse. However if my husband, God forbid was unfiathful to me I would still work on the marriage. I do beleive that divorced people who got divorced for a reason other than those and remarry are commiting adultery.

Lastly the divorce rate is so high because people have this delusion that marriage is going to be easy, and fun and no work at all. I have news for people. Relationships are hard work. Any type, friendships, family, but especially romantic relationships. Marriage is especially hard. People go through hard times in their marriages and just give up. No one wants to work at. A psychological study found that most couple who said they were unhappy in their marriage when asked five years later said they were very happy in their marriages. It will have its ups and downs and we can't bail out the moment it gets a little hard. We have to work at it.

This brings me to the whole point of my thoughts. Our decisions in life not only affect us but also our children. Don't enter into marriage lightly not only for your happiness but so that your child can not live in a broken home. Think of your future families when making these desicions. It breaks my heart how so many kids come from broken homes, never knew a parent. Please for the sake of our children watch what you are doing. Give into what you need and not what you want, and above all consult God on all things. His way really is the best, even if it's not the funnest way.